Dallas Hell

Frickin frackin fluck!!! I hate when this happens!

So. A couple of weeks ago, I came across my ex boyfriend, T, from college. Not in person, but online. It was one of those mornings where I had to get up and let the dog out, and it was too early to get up but I couldn't go back to sleep. So I started Googling people, and of course T was the first person I checked on. Well wouldn't you know it, I got several hits!

Turns out he has made some huge huge huge changes in his life both personally and professionally. And there was his contact info right there, taunting me. Instead of thinking about the last time I talked to him and the ugly things he said to me, I immediately shot off an email. DUMB! Of course I didn't tell anyone I did this. Well except D.

Never heard back from him and had almost forgotten that I had even emailed him. Then this past Friday morning, check my email and there it was -- a reply back. I was scared to even open it but at the same time couldn't wait to see what he had to say. Anyway - basically he sent a really nice reply, that ended with "Keep in touch."

WTF does that mean? Is he being for real? Was it just a generic keep in touch? Then I start thinking, how and why do we always end up back in touch with each other? Is he single? Is there still a chance for us?

It goes without saying, I am not over T, even after all these years. I constantly think, if I was who I am now back then, things would have been better. Every single guy that I date is compared to T, and of course none of them measure up. Hell, my own mom isn't over T -- she will ask about him every few months or so.

Why did I even email him in the first place is my main question. Why do he and I keep going through this every few years. T and I broke up back in 2000. Yet here we are six years later going through the same thing again.

And what is really sad is that I am thinking about all this less than two hours before hanging out with Young Guy. That poor thing doesn't have a chance. I keep trying to tell him this subtlely, directly, meanly, nicely -- he just doesn't get it.

posted by Dallas Hell @ 6:38 PM